Bicycle Riders Are Idiots Too

Forget the ineradicable corruption of the UCI that will forevermore spread through the hallowed ground of cycling like a metastasized cancer only because the briber in chief refuses to come forward and blow the whistle on the corrupt who refuse to relinquish power.  There are more important topics, mainly road survival of cyclists who may potentially become an endangered species; not only because of reckless people who drive automobiles and multitask; slaves to gadgetry, oblivious of their surroundings; but because some people who ride bicycles pose potential death threats to themselves, due to ignorance and stupidity.

The other day a person driving a Ford F-250 pickup truck hauling lawn equipment ran a four way stop sign and hit my back bicycle tire, not the wheel, but the tire. A most amazing experience: knowing that you are about to collide with an idiot and die, only to survive by a miracle and live to tell about it.  Of course, this incident was trivial; cyclists experience similar incidents with distracted multitasking morons every day and live to discuss these incidents with a cavalier smirk.  A cat has nine lives but a cyclist has ninety nine lives, daredevils who scoff at the grim reaper with impunity.  But as everyone knows death always draws the white pawn.  Sooner or later death will win no matter how brilliant your defensive strategy or how brilliant your planning; and following the rules of the road like a saint won't save your life from a distracted fool.  However, you may prolong you life until that last incident.

Death does not necessarily excuse bad bicycle behavior though.  The object is to live as long as possible, not hasten death by means of stupidity or recklessness.  Most avid cyclists have experienced enough close calls to understand that it is better to follow the rules of the road and act like a responsible adult rather than a child, even though the road is full of irresponsible adults who act like children.  Cyclists are professional riders who have identifying badges of courage in the form of healed bones and road rash scars from encounters with automobiles and bicycle riders who have a callous disregard or basic ignorance of basic road safety.  There is a bicycle automobile collision every eleven minutes in the United States and automobile drivers are at fault seventy percent of the time.  That means that bicycle riders are at fault thirty percent of the time.

Examples of bad cycling practice:

How many times have you had to ride around a moron who is riding against traffic?   Riding against traffic is the number one killer of bicycle riders, people don't expect traffic coming from the wrong direction.

Then there is the curb hugger.  Curb huggers have a bad habit of drifting out the bike lane into the curb at red lights even though there may be a hundred cars backed up waiting to turn right.  You are still in the bicycle lane waiting patiently for the light to turn green and you have allowed enough distance for automobiles to turn right unobstructed.  Usually curb huggers are weekend warriors, or worse, simpleton hillbillies who wear old shabby clothes and ride old mountain bikes or cruisers with parts dangling off the frame.  But nothing makes me more angry than to have a curb hugger with a garbage bike pass me on the right while I am stopped at a red light.  Professional cycling teams and European riders wait behind you in single file and then pass you when the light turns green, perfectly acceptable; a man does not remain Mario Cipollini forever.  But come on man, you get in my way then ride at five miles an hour, and the way the street lights are timed in this city, I pass you, then I have to wait at the light, and here you come along dragging ass; then you go around me again and park your worthless ass up against the curb.  You irritate me and you irritate the frustrated drivers who stack up behind your worthless ass.  But never try to comment on the stupidity of these fools, they actually act offended and act like they are bicycle sages while in comparison you are some sort of dolt.

Then there is the gung-ho faux pro rider who has to pass you on the road.  Nothing makes me laugh more than watching a young man sprint for all he is worth to pass up an old master like me. Listen clown, you don't have to endanger my life with a display of your cycling prowess, you will never impress me!

Then there is the red light runner.  Most street lights don't recognize bicycles; bicycles don't trigger the mechanism.  I have watched lights at clear intersections cycle through the walk cycle and reset a dozen times; but if a automobile never arrives then the cycle would repeat indefinitely.   You have two options, pitch a tent and wait forever, or run the light.   Methuselah would run the light or perish from old age.  But this is different from the idiot who weaves in and out of traffic to avoid stopping for a light.  What is most stupid about this trick is the fact that you always catch these morons at the next light even after obeying the traffic light and waiting.  Stupid.  But never comment on these people either.

Then there is the round and round.  Around and around in circles in front of the patiently waiting traffic and cyclists who are stewing in increasing frustration watching this fool show off like some sort of exhibitionist lunatic.  

Conclusion:

I could list another thousand violations committed by bicyclists that deserves a good beating across the kidneys with a bicycle pump, but what is the point.  Stupid fools exist everywhere, that is a human trait that will never be eradicated from this planet.  But there is no excuse for cyclists who refuse to comply with or understand good bicycle practice; cyclists who endanger more lives than there own, or for cyclists who set bad precedents, or who aggravate automobile cyclist relations.  Truth, all cyclists are regarded as idiots by automobile drivers by default because of the bad behavior of a few stupids and crazies, but then again, true cyclists regard all automobile drivers as idiots because of the bad behavior of a few stupids and crazies.   

Listen:

If I do not post for a while check the obituaries.  I am seriously thinking of composing a farewell message to be posted after my death, "died from injuries sustained from a collision with a distracted driver while riding his bicycle."

Have a nice ride today!

Travis Tygart: Out Of Bounds

Travis Tygart is pounding the drum for Lance Armstrong to come forward, complete with confession in hand, to implicate the duplicitous nefarious scoundrels that comprise the UCI leadership, who allegedly accept bribes in return for favorable suppression of positive dope tests.  Hein Verbruggen allegedly stuffed his pockets on numerous occasions from desperate cyclists who would rather continue to "unduly enrich" themselves rather than face arbitration hearings, suspensions, disgrace, and lack of income.  It has also been alleged that the current president of the UCI Pat McQuaid along with the current UCI executive committee endeavored to cover up this bribery scheme.

Of course, all of these issues were to be rectified by an investigation by an independent committee of highly qualified people who were expected to leave no stone unturned to arrive at the truth.  There was a question as to the true nature of the independence of the committee, however, when it was revealed that some of the committee members had affiliation with the International Olympic Committee that by implication would infer a covert effort to protect the World Anti-Doping Agency from any culpability.  Also one would wonder if the committee composed of such people would have a motive for revenge against the UCI for past skirmishes and lawsuits that were filed between the UCI and WADA during the Hein Verbruggen administration.

Nevertheless, the lack of cooperation of Lance Armstrong to come forward and blow the whistle on the UCI is troublesome considering the fact that the independent committee was disbanded before considering the bribery issue and considering the fact that the UCI executive committee has refused to take any action.  Travis Tygart is convinced that the independent committee was abandoned so that the blinders and handcuffs would remain on in order to leave the truth opaque.  Perhaps Lance Armstrong would be more forthcoming if Travis Tygart would be more diplomatic and compromise by reducing the lifetime ban he imposed with a more reasonable suspension.  However, this is unlikely to happen because then cycling fanatics could accuse USADA of employing the same sort of duplicitous tactics that Hein Verbruggen employed only in a opposite sense, bribery for information, instead of bribery for suppression of information.  This USADA method was quite successful when applied to cyclists who were more than willing to provide affidavits to implicate Lance Armstrong, Johan Bruyneel, Michele Ferrari, et al, during the steroid era of rampant doping that allegedly occurred on the United States Postal Service Professional Cycling Team.  Indeed, USADA was not loath to bribe riders with sweetheart deals to extract "truth."  So why would USADA be reluctant to continue the trend of deals for information with Lance Armstrong, the man who could settle the issue once and for all?  Is it because Lance Armstrong refused to come forward and admit under oath that the entire contents of the Reasoned Decision was truth not statements based upon envious people with an axe to grind or upon imaginary embellishments contrived through an excess of prosecutorial zeal?  Lance Armstrong did admit to using performance enhancing drugs, but he never suggested that the contents of the Reasoned Decision reflected an accurate depiction of events.  Most people came to the conclusion that the contents of the Reasoned Decision reflected truthful accounts of events by default not through an a posteriori examination of the evidence preferably by an independent committee.  It would be reasonable to conclude that USADA had in mind verification of the Reasoned Decision by the chief culprit himself, and it is not unreasonable to suggest that Lance Armstrong would be baited into implicating himself into some sort of criminal case by careful legal maneuvering that would be revenge for the lack of a criminal indictment by the Federal Grand Jury probe.

Nevertheless, Lance Armstrong refused to accept a barren hook devoid of the worm on the advice of his attorney who scented out the trap.  After all,  Lance Armstrong would have to confirm the conclusions of the Reasoned Decision, if he refused to confirm every conclusion, USADA would call him an outright liar, deceiver, and cheat, as they have done with his denials of using performance enhancing drugs after riding with Discovery Channel in 2005.  Lance Armstrong claims to have ridden clean in 2009 and 2010, but USADA claims UCI Biological Passport data that proves doping, even though in the absence of a failed anti-doping test the UCI Biological Passport data is nothing more than a statement of probability.  Perhaps USADA was counting upon Lance Armstrong to confirm under oath that the UCI Biological Passport data that USADA had in their possession was a factual record of doping in spite of his formal denials during the Oprah Winfrey "confession," more  icing on the cake.  For years the UCI Biological Passport has been criticized as an expensive boondoggle that exposes nothing more than wishful thinking, but an admission by Lance Armstrong would be the final coup de grace to all of the critics forevermore who have the audacity to question the UCI Biological Passport and would set in stone another atrocity against the fundamental rights of athletes.

Clearly Travis Tygart should focus on his own concerns and refrain from trying to police the entire cycling community.  We all know that the UCI is a corrupt organization that should be placed under adult supervision and that the elements that promote corruption should be eradicated without constantly being reminded of this fact by USADA.  We realize that the UCI needs immediate reform and replacement of certain undesirable elements and a new refreshing approach, but we are also cynical enough not to expect miracles.  But then again intransigence, obstinacy, and a refusal to make concessions in expectation of future rewards is also the wrong approach to the problem and ensures nothing more than continual failure to achieve stated goals.  But can you reason with grandiose madmen to make them discern reason from folly?  Good luck with that.

Floyd Landis Qui Tam: Jury Award One Dollar

The United States Postal Service has joined Floyd Landis as a party in a qui tam lawsuit against Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel.   A qui tam action is defined by law.com as:

qui tam action

: (kwee tam) n. from Latin for "who as well," a lawsuit brought by a private citizen (popularly called a "whistle blower") against a person or company who is believed to have violated the law in the performance of a contract with the government or in violation of a government regulation, when there is a statute which provides for a penalty for such violations. Qui tam suits are brought for "the government as well as the plaintiff." In a qui tam action the plaintiff (the person bringing the suit) will be entitled to a percentage of the recovery of the penalty (which may include large amounts for breach of contract) as a reward for exposing the wrongdoing and recovering funds for the government. Sometimes the federal or state government will intervene and become a party to the suit in order to guarantee success and be part of any negotiations and conduct of the case. This type of action is generally based on significant violations which involve fraudulent or criminal acts, and not technical violations and/or errors.

The transcript of the legal filing appears here, if someone is insane enough to wade through all of that crap.  The bottom line of all this rot is the greed of whistle blower Floyd Landis who wants a certain percentage of what could amount to one a hundred and twenty million dollar penalty!  Half of Lance Armstrong's estimated wealth.  Given to a dope addict who was schooled by uber dope doctor Michele Ferrari who trained his disciples on the techniques of how to cheat and never be detected, and who "knowingly" used these methods to "unjustly enrich" themselves not only when riding with the United States Postal Service Professional Cycling Team, but afterwards with varying degrees of sophistication until caught by improved testing methodology.  But, so what, Floyd Landis also defrauded many of his supporters in a bogus attempt to prove his innocence by soliciting money via the Floyd Fairness Fund, a fact that has been forgiven due to the cooperative nature of the deceiver.

What, didn't Frankie Andreu and his wife Betsy want any qui tam action?  Just revenge for calling Betsy an "ugly old cow" by a stupid brute clown tyrant Lance Armstrong who thought he could dictate terms via threats and intimidation.  There is nothing more vicious than a woman scorned and nothing sweeter than spending a man's money whom you despise.  But nevertheless why rehash old allegations that seemingly have been proven true by an unchallenged prosecution summary of events?  More important than old axes to be ground is establishing in a legal sense the damage done and who suffered from these actions, Floyd Landis and the U.S. Postal Service?  These facts will be stipulated in a jury trial if Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel do not settle the dispute; however, it has been speculated that the U.S. Postal Service reaped millions of dollars in advertising profits as a direct result of the sponsorship of Lance Armstrong and the uncanny success of the U.S. Postal Service Professional Cycling Team.  And Floyd Landis would have suffered no monetary damage at all if he would have employed his pea size brain after the bonk.  Very difficult to establish harm by any definition and the only true and just result from a jury would be one dollar in compensation in damages as a symbolic gesture, the share awarded to Floyd Landis for his whistle blowing prowess, one thin dime.

The U.S. Postal Service has no excuse, they knew of the doping accusations against Lance Armstrong and the team, yet they continued to sponsor the team until the letter carriers objected because they thought Lance Armstrong was being paid an inordinate salary.  So greed outweighed common sense in the face of accumulating evidence that Lance Armstrong's most strident competitors were testing positive for performance enhancing drugs on and off the bike.  The French government also spent two years conducting an investigation into the U.S. Postal Professional Cycling Team after traces of actovegin was found in some medical waste discarded by a team car and recovered by a French television station.  This investigation was internationally known and commented upon by the press world wide and must have come to the attention of the U.S. Postal Service.  Nevertheless, all of these warning signs were ignored and did not seem to serve as sufficient motivation for the U. S. Postal Service to drop the sponsorship of the team.

 Ad nauseum.  Let this be a lesson to everyone.  Government stay the hell out of cycling.  Government loves to take money from the golden goose for as long as possible, but when the goose runs out of golden eggs, then it is time to fleece the golden feathers.  Government loves to inflict suffering upon people who no longer produce as a bizarre form of social Darwinism; retirees or ex-cyclists with million dollar bank accounts who were unlucky enough not to be perceptive enough to offshore their money in tax shelters.  A man works his heart out and government is not satisfied with the contribution made, government expects further sacrifices in the name of the unborn.  Government is never satisfied with the pain that it inflicts upon others as a motivating factor; bums must be subjected to hunger and exposure in order to compel them to seek work or become self sufficient, food stamps must be withheld from needy families as an incentive to seek better jobs or to reproduce less (even though the food stamp program is the best small business subsidy ever invented.)  The corporate barons don't care where or how you eat as long as you show up ready to work.   But, starving workers like starving students are non-productive and generate revolutions-circa 1789.  Mythological propaganda, as long as tyrants flourish.

Government, stay the hell out of cycling!  To quote the Raven: forevermore!

UCI: Run the Gauntlet

Spring!  Nature's regeneration after the long, abysmal winter, the first flowers of the season are emerging from long hibernation.  It is time for the spring classic races, the era of stagnation is over, the sweetheart suspensions are over, it's time to get back on the bike and do some racing!

However, being the eternal pessimist, being deprived from the endless Lance Armstrong spectacle that was supposed to result in cauterizing the metastasizing cancer that infected cycling, and deprived of the happiness of seeing the UCI publicly humiliated with a total confession of complicity in crime, cover up, and hypocritical dissimulation of self righteous rhetoric that was enough to make you puke; deprived of the extermination of bad influences and a total revamping of the system, well who would not feel disappointed?

A good public whipping or hanging sets a deterrent example for others and these forms of barbarity have been in existence since Cain murdered his brother Able.  Oui?  So what deters the UCI executive committee from using similar methods to purge their ranks of undesirables?  There is no use in pretending that these untoward brigands will ever repent or cease, given the opportunity, to resist temptation.  Graft and corruption is wrong, accepting bribes is wrong, moral turpitude is wrong, and invites bad behavior from others similarly inclined.

So why not force these undesirable scoundrels to run the gauntlet?  We could follow the Tsar Russian military example, issue birch switches to the riders, then run the scoundrels through the ranks.  But these tactics though acceptable in an autocratic state are certainly unacceptable in civilized society and would amount to murder, would it not?  But something has to happen because the infection has to be cauterized before the parasite proliferates leaving a wake of corpses.  To do nothing is a positive hazard to public decency.

A good woman who I spoke to was positively offended with the treatment that Lance Armstrong was receiving from USADA and the press.  "They have taken everything from that man already, so why don't they just leave him alone?"  She tried to counter my argument that people love nothing more than a good spectacle of public brutality, with an irrational argument that equated goodness to people.  This is a fallacy, goodness is not an inherent trait in people.  People are inherently evil and they will take advantage of any opportunity of avarice for money or advancement, even if the collateral damage leaves a wake of corpses.  People are callous and jaded, they do not have empathy or compassion toward the welfare of others, or their families.

That is why USADA could not simply leave Lance Armstrong alone, ambition trumped.  The sadistic nature of our natures demands that ritualistic sacrifice prevail over common sense and good taste. Absolute power without restraint gives reign to undignified barbaric rituals like running men through gauntlets.  There is a public appetite for these spectacles, people derive an internal satisfaction at the misfortunes of others, and of inflicting pain on others, especially when there is no fear of adverse consequences to themselves.

These arguments are self-evident, so in conclusion I ask: When will the UCI inflict a flogging and clean house?

Doping in the Rear View Mirror?

The infamous cycling dopers who depended upon the syringe to out compete the other cycling dopers is now passe.  When the hysteria surrounding Lance Armstrong and his arch nemesis Travis Tygart was at the pinnacle of interest, people actually cared, but when Lance Armstrong decided not to cooperate with USADA, people became comatose.  Comatose people quickly forget, time goes by, and criminal intent flourishes into the next crises and people express shock and surprise.  Nothing is more certain when vigilance is asleep at the wheel than criminal opportunism.

Six years of this worthless nonsense, three Tour de France champions deposed, and if the anti-doping charlatans wanted to peruse the issue, perhaps a certain Tour de France one time loser would turn into a two time loser and be banned from the sport for life.  But why expend all of the money on another witch hunt when the money could be expended more constructively chucking out the bums at the UCI?  Why bother to raid the closet of skeletons when everyone would prefer to let sleeping dogs lie?  To remove all blinders would cost an inordinate amount of money and lead to points beyond an infinity of expenditures; maybe two parallel lines do meet somewhere, but who wants to spend the research money to find out?  Better to leave the issue hypothetical since it does not mean certain destruction of our dear sport.

Dope in cycling should have ended forever after the 2006 Tour de France; but it is hard to extinguish the old cognitive paradigm developed during the eighties that it is okay to cheat as long the testing facilities can't keep up and you are never caught.  So they continued to cheat and most were never caught because the methods of cheating surpassed the methods of detection, and the WADA laboratories for all their bluster were forced to endure humiliation with egg smeared all over their faces.  The dopers had the good doctors and WADA had the consultant anti-doping "pioneer" braggarts who starved for lack of funding; no argument there.

Revolting the methods of these cheaters duping the laboratories and the public for all of those years, dirty rotten imbeciles!  But hey, topics in the anti-doping world have shifted from cycling into other sports, like American football, where an avalanche of problems awaits if there is ever a comprehensive testing program instituted.

Even ice fishing demands USADA dope tests.  What: you gonna reel in a fish at a faster pace faster than you can reel in a breakaway?  Better fishermen than cyclists.  Enough is enough.  I've shed enough tears already you callous heartless narcissistic ragamuffins!  Every hero, every cyclist I loved became an infamous example of perfidy, a public laughingstock!  Enough! Henceforth nothing but examples of good conduct and clean riding.  Put USADA and their ilk out of the cycling business forever.  Make Travis Tygart obsolete.

Then I can retire my pen forever with eternal gratitude to the peloton.

Lance Armstrong Under Indictment?

After the balloon popped on USADA and the Federal Prosecutors, when in a fleeting moment of sanity, Lance Armstrong listened to someone else for once, instead of the delusional voices in his head, and decided that his idiotic kiss and tell session with Oprah was the golden gateway for a one hundred and twenty five million dollar give away from an endless succession of lawsuits, which even he cannot afford.

If Lance Armstrong would have listened to reason instead of trying to pull another charade to dupe the fools, then much could have been avoided: a resumption of the Federal investigation into the alleged use of U.S. Postal Service money to acquire performance enhancing drugs, for example.  That is bad news for Lance Armstrong because using drugs to enhance performance is a civil offense, so the USADA in spite of all of the bluster for admissions under oath are hamstrung and impotent no matter how much media attention Travis Tygart demands, under the auspicious rational of "protecting the sport."

But when the Justice Department gets involved, allegedly accusing Lance Armstrong of crossing the line into criminal behavior then the scales tip against the defendant and in favor of the government.  The problem for the government is to convince a jury that Lance Armstrong used government money to acquire dope and not money from his own personal fortune, which until recently he had in abundance.  That task will be impossible to prove without a convincing paper trail, that does not exist.  If a convincing paper trail did exist then the government would not have suspended the original grand jury investigation and would have returned an indictment.

I used to be absolutely convinced that no jury in the land, outside of a kangaroo arbitration panel, would have convicted Lance Armstrong of using performance enhancing drugs considering the sickening lack of honesty of the "scumbag informants" USADA wished to parade onto the witness stand; and due to the fact that USADA lacked a conclusive test result.  However, this conclusion is obsolete after the "confession."  Now most jurors would punish Lance Armstrong out of spite with comfortable satisfaction, jeering against such a sanctimonious scoundrel who had enough chutzpah to mislead the public.  An unforgivable crime that demands "satisfaction" or in old world parlance, a duel.  You can't win a duel with a vindictive jury that is intent on destruction of lying cheaters who confess to crimes in attempt to elicit sympathy and forgiveness.  Nope.  Now it is time to punish the bully by being a bigger bully.

Listen Lance Armstrong, when accused of a crime deny everything.  It is not your job to provide the state with evidence, it is the government's job to provide the evidence against you.  You do not have to prove anything, the state must prove the case against you.  The Fifth Amendment to the constitution protects you from self incrimination [if this protection still exists in America], you cannot be compelled to testify against yourself.  They can't lock you away in some dungeon and water board you.  This is supposed to be a civilized country and not a third rate banana republic that convenes some third rate inquisitorial tribunal.  You should have let the process play out without leaving the people who will determine your fate insisting that you played them for fools by attempting to manipulate their sensibilities with faux hallow compassion to protect your financial status and future competitive advantages.

Your suffering will be of long endurance and well deserved.       

Lance Armstrong to USADA: No Dice

When one lives in a privy, one becomes accustomed to the smell of shit!
Alexander Puskin

The long expected self immolation of Lance Armstrong did not materialize after all.  The New York Times reporter Juliet Macur has reported that Lance Armstrong did not meet the deadline to report to USADA in order to clarify his career doping history under oath.  Tim Herman, one of Lance Armstrong lawyers, did state that Lance Armstrong might be willing to testify to an international tribunal since ninety five percent of the doping problems and legal jurisdiction lie outside of the domain of USADA.

“We remain hopeful that an international effort will be mounted, and we will do everything we can to facilitate that result,” Herman said in the statement. “In the meantime, for several reasons, Lance will not participate in Usada’s efforts to selectively conduct American prosecutions that only demonize selected individuals while failing to address the 95 percent of the sport over which Usada has no jurisdiction.”

An International Tribunal?

The Europeans are not concerned with resurrection of old skeletons, and inquisitions are old hat.  If Lance Armstrong had something important to speak of that falls under the existing statutes of limitations, [do statutes of limitations still exist outside of the jurisdiction of USADA?] say knowledge of doping on the 2009 Astana team, then this information might be valuable enough for Armstrong to leverage an immunity deal and an amnesty.  Otherwise, Armstrong has nothing of value except for obsolete information on how to defeat doping tests, information that could be better gleaned from Michele Farrari.  However, there is still the prospect of Lance Armstrong exposing the UCI as a corrupt organization that can be purchased with bribery to cover-up positive drug tests.  And there is also the possibility that WADA could also be exposed as a corrupt organization susceptible to conspiracy.  Lance Armstrong might have other valuable information available for the tribunal, but old hat statements about antiquated doping do not fit the bill.

USADA: Sweeten the Pot

Apparently, although USADA baited the rat trap with a temping morsel, the rat got cold feet at the last moment and rejected the morsel as not temping enough. A reduction of a lifetime ban from athletic sport to eight years is no incentive, since both punishments equate to a lifetime ban for Lance Armstrong.  Armstrong is forty two years old, he would be fifty when allowed to compete again in a triathlon.  Who would worry about competing against a geriatric stale joke?  But, perhaps Lance Armstrong's refusal to testify under oath is intended to leverage a sweeter deal, since USADA has a history of offering sweetheart deals of reduced suspensions to informants.  Indeed, it seems incredible to note that after encouraging serial dopers with long histories of drug abuse to finger Lance Armstrong with bribes of amnesty and immunity, that USADA would seem so intransigent with respect to Lance Armstrong fingering dopers, doctors, and their confederates.  However, it is impossible to deny that USADA is salivating at the prospect of baiting the most notorious doper in the history of cycling into hanging himself.

Warm Up the Privy!

Lance old friend.  You will be lucky if you have one red cent left after these people get through with you.  You would have been better served if you would have followed counsel's advice and kept your mouth shut.  Your stupid Oprah admission to use of performance enhancing drugs, although laudable, will end up with you losing the manor house, the outbuildings, and your new residence of abode will be the privy!  But don't worry, your offended nostrils will become acclimated to the stench over time.  Like Alexander Puskin, you won't be able to runaway from Tsar Nicholas I and the censorship. USADA will dog your steps every inch of the way and in the end you will become dependent upon people whom you thoroughly loath.  The most galling prospect of all will be paying Floyd Landis money, your willing dolt.  Forget an amnesty, you are dealing with self serving people who will never accede to your demands.  Resign, your career is over.   

Deer Antler Spray Trumps Lance Armstrong

How quickly we turn on past heroes. A paraphrase from the early days of the Floyd Landis saga; when Dick Pound and Pat McQuaid rushed to judgement and to the microphone to declare Floyd Landis guilty of doping long before the ink dried on the lab document package.  Simpler days when a man's word meant something and the lack of process could be questioned as nothing more than a lynching party.

But the supreme goat and scoundrel Lance Armstrong, was voted sport villain number one by disgruntled Americans who are tired of the endless doping saga and the dopes who level the playing field by doping. Query: How is one to compete with a zonked out peloton who have the best doctors with syringes filled with cocktails that make you climb out of the saddle all the way up beyond category cols at fifteen miles an hour without dope?  Better still, how do you win a Tour de France or any of the other grand tours without dope?  Because let us be realistic, is it physiologically possible to ride up a category one climb and two beyond category climbs in one stage at four hundred watts, and sit in the saddle spinning for five hours at a stretch without bonking, sans dope?

Lance Armstrong knew he could not realistically compete and win multiple grand tours without performance enhancing drugs.  But Lance Armstrong had the insatiable desire to win at all costs and he ignored the consequences of his behavior: ultimate catastrophe.

What they never see always catches them...heartache people.
Nick Gravenites
Joseph's Coat

Well, the consequences of his long awaited confession have been dramatic for Lance Armstrong, his resignation from his charitable organization Livestrong, for example, and the eternal line of greedy litigants pounding on his door demanding retribution.  But for most Americans, the Lance Armstrong saga produced one collective yawn.  Scooped by a catfish scam, deer antler spray, (does this crap really contain some sort of prohibited growth factor?) and a long laundry list of baseball players linked to a anti-aging clinic that dispensed performance enhancing drugs without a prescription, by a charlatan quack pretending to be a doctor, and alleged payments made to the clinic by names already tainted by dope, Ryan Braun and Alex Rodriquez.  As the mainstream press will constantly remind us with infinite repetitions, Ryan Braun escaped a fifty game suspension from baseball due to a technicality in the chain of custody, even though his urine sample was dirty with elevated testosterone.  As for Alex Rodriquez, that guy played wired to the max and the Yankees are looking for an out in his contract.

Lance Armstrong was counting on what, sympathy for the devil?  Apparently, the only people who even had a passing interest in Lance Armstrong was USADA.  Did Lance Armstrong and Travis Tygart strike a deal:  information on how to defeat the doping tests in exchange for a reduced sentence?  Did USADA demand statements under oath and under interrogation that Lance Armstrong used performance enhancing drugs, trafficked dope, bullied, intimidated, and forced people to use dope against their wills?  That he threatened anyone who questioned him with legal retribution, character assassination, and financial devastation? Curiously,  Lance Armstrong has a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome depending upon his mood. First he demands a meeting with Travis Tygart complaining that he is being singled out for persecution, then Armstrong storms out the door in a fit of rage.  Then Armstrong is all repentant willing to cooperate.  The man is like a yo-yo in zero gravity.  But really outside of USADA and the criminal justice system does anyone really care  whether or not Lance Armstrong ever competes in another triathlon?

Not really.  USADA wants Lance Armstrong to commit suicide by admission and the fool has enough arrogance and self confidence in himself to bury himself because he thinks he is in control and therefore invulnerable. Lance Armstrong, like ancient kings who enforce power with barbarity and violence never realize the danger until they are deposed.  Then they always show the greatest surprise that the peasants have rebelled against their munificence.

What they never see always catches them.... 

U.S. Postal Doping Prior To Lance Armstrong

The 1998 Tour de France exploded when Willy Voet was caught at a French frontier post with a clearly marked Festina team car full of performance enhancing drugs.  Later French darling Richard Virenque admitted that he used performance enhancing drugs using the same logic that Lance Armstrong used, "It was merely preparation for the race," and "If you don't test positive you are not cheating."  But what is even more interesting is this statement written by Olivier Hamoir In Lille in his article, Virenque:'I took Drugs, I had no Choice'.

Later in the day the trial took another turn when the former Festina trainer Antoine Vayer cast doubt over the current Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, who celebrated his second victory in succession this year. Vayer testified under oath: "Armstrong rides at an average speed of 54kph. I find this scandalous. It's a nonsense." Then Frenchman Christophe Bassons, known as the only Festina rider to refuse doping, said Armstrong had forced him to leave the 1999 Tour. "Last year during a stage, Armstrong came to me and told me I was doing a lot of harm to cycling," Bassons said. "He [Armstrong] told me I had better go home." Bassons withdrew and did not take part in the event this year.

An entire book could be written on the 1998 Tour de France, the most organized and systematic doping conspiracy in cycling.  There were police raids on cycling team hotels, riders laid down their bicycles and refused to ride, teams packed up their equipment and went home. Team TVM riders tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.

There Were No Tests.

Making things very complicated, if not impossible to draw a reasonable conclusion as to whether the U.S. Postal Service Team used drugs previous to the 1999 Tour de France, but there are suggestions.  According to Neal Rogers in Old Doping Accusations Lead to Altercation:

In 2001 [Prentice] Steffen told Irish reporter David Walsh that in 1996 U.S. Postal riders [Marty] Jemison and Tyler Hamilton had approached him during the Tour of Switzerland looking for information about illegal doping products. Steffen said he reported the incident to then-director Mark Gorski, and at the end of that year his contract with the team was not renewed.

Update: Emma O'Reilly stated in her deposition that she was unaware of any conclusive proof of doping going on with the 1996 U.S. Postal Service team although Tyler Hamilton and Marty Jemison were accused of complaining to team doctor Prentice Steffen about the lack of access to illegal substances that would increase performance and speed recovery.  However, if Emma O'Reilly can be believed, an open and systematic program of doping did exist on the 1997 U.S. Postal Service Professional Cycling Team and probably continued in 1998.

 This query was of an investigatory nature, a rider drawn at random from the 1998 Tour de France U.S. Postal Service team rider roster to see if there was a possible link to doping.  Eureka!  An accusation, but no proof.

So interesting developments occur in the most surprising places and more investigations may lead to further links to doping, but alas one has to question Tyler Hamilton when he told Jim Rome that he told USADA all he knew about doping. All?  Does all include doping on the U.S. Postal Service team prior to the 1999 Tour de France?  Would Tyler Hamilton answer honestly if asked the question: Did you and Marty Jemison ask Prentice Steffen where to procure performance enhancing drugs in 1996?  Would Tyler Hamilton answer the question honestly if asked: Did Frankie Andreu use performance enhancing drugs prior to the 1999 Tour de France?

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

If you were to use some simplified statistical comparison between the 1998 Tour de France and the 1999 Tour de France you would find little if any statistical significance in the performance of the riders with one exception: Tyler Hamilton who finished the 1998 Tour in fifty first place at 1 hour 39 minutes 53 seconds behind Marco Pantani, but who in 1999 finished thirteenth at 26 minutes 53 seconds behind Lance Armstrong.  For the other riders who participated in the 1998 and 1999 Tours de France doped or not there is little improvement in performance: Frankie Andreu who admitted to using EPO in the 1999 Tour de France, 1998 finish, fifty eighth: 1 hour 53 minutes 44 seconds; 1999 finish, sixty fifth: 1 hour 59 minutes 1 second.  George Hincapie showed no improvement either.  One might conclude from this astonishing data that Frankie Andreu and George Hincapie unexpectedly had superior performance riding clean than riding doped, contrary to the conclusion of common sense.  Of course, this is a bogus conclusion of anti doping crusader proportions, considering complicated variables such as the length of the Tour, the difference in mountain stages, and the most important variable of all, was Marco Pantani riding with or without dope?  But when, if ever, has the nay Sayers and accusers ever for one second considered all of the variables before making accusations?  Never?

Has the Issue of U.S. Postal Doping Previous to Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel  Been Resolved?

Emma O' Reilly says there was a program of performance enhancing substance use in place as far back as 1997.  Frankie Andreu may have deceived more than his wife with an improbable declaration of innocence, but he has no incentive to come clean and admit his complicity in doping previous to 1999; because he has more to gain from press declarations of him as a vindicated victim. Of course, there is no need to mention the fact that his wife Betsy thrives on her role as the wrongly accused insulted woman.  USADA has no incentive because there would be more cobwebs to clean out of closets, more non-analytical positives, further suspensions, and destroyed delusions.  USADA has a vested interest in confusing the public interest by maintaining the myth that Frankie Andreu, Tyler Hamilton, and George Hincapie were clean, so clean, prior to 1999.  Of what interest to anyone would it be to accept the fact that the bully was not forcing anyone to do what they had been doing all along, doping and cheating to gain an advantage and survive?  As Richard Virenque said, "I took drugs, I had no choice," not post Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel, but during the 1998 Tour de France.  If this logic applied to Richard Virenque why not this mindset for the entire peloton?  Where was the thermos bottle of EPO and the Rolex watches during the 1998 Tour de France?  Or were Rolex watches only purchased for EPO toting motorcyclists by teams who won the Tour de France?

Finis

Astana Doping Circa 2009 Tour de France?

Lance Armstrong did what they said could not be done, he confessed to using recombinant erythropoietin (rEPO), corticosteroids, testosterone, autologous blood transfusions, human growth hormones, and every other substance on the WADA prohibited list that Oprah Winfrey forgot to include on her comprehensive question list.  Armstrong stated his doping history included all seven of his Tour de France titles: thus justifying a lifetime ban.  Of course, the media has had an endless discussion about the lack of contrition on the part of Lance Armstrong during his mea culpa, his arrogance, his theory of cheating: where he defined doping as nothing more than a method to level the playing field.

But there are possible future nightmare scenarios that may evolve from this confession.  David Howman of WADA insists that Lance Armstrong be deposed under oath with full disclosure: even if these admissions reveal possible falsification of test results by WADA, in exchange for cash.  In the New York Times article,  Banker Says He Was Unaware of Doping, Susanne Craig reports:

In the wake of the anti-doping report, Mr. Armstrong was stripped of his Tour de France titles. On one Tour, in 1999, the team masseuse, Emma O’Reilly, has said, according to published reports, that she witnessed Mr. Weisel huddling with Mr. Armstrong after a report that the cyclist had tested positive for a banned substance.  Mr. Weisel was frantic about what to do, she said.  Mr. Weisel said he did not have “any recollection” of the incident to which Ms. O’Reilly was referring.

The implication of all this not expressly stated is that Tom Weisel may have bribed WADA, LNDD, the UCI, or others to suppress the positive dope test.  Lance Armstrong could provide the testimony under oath that could be devastating to the very people and agencies who claim responsibility for ensuring clean sport.  And some of these accusations could also spawn criminal complaints and prosecutions, not to mention the bad publicity that would "incinerate" the sport.  

To those that thought that Velo Vortmax was nothing more than an apologist for Lance Armstrong, blindly supporting the disgraced cyclist, think again! My concerns were centered around a lack of concrete proof derived by solid scientific evidence: positive tests measured in a WADA accredited laboratory.  Non-negative analytical positive bans based on the testimony of ex-teammates or upon data derived by the UCI Biological Passport are unacceptable substitutes for standardized tests because there are opportunities for athletes to dope by micro-dosing drugs not detectable through conventional methods; thereby ensuring artificial baseline scores that serve as passports to dope. Then there are liars with agendas.  But Lance Amstrong stated in his interview that he did not dope during the 2009 and 2010 Tours de France.  Lance Armstrong claimed he stopped doping in 2004, although the USADA claims to have "overwhelming evidence" based upon longitudinal data supplied by the UCI Biological Passport, which proves Lance Armstrong had irregular blood values indicating the use of the blood-booster rEPO.  There are three possibilities for these contradictory statements.  (1) Lance Armstrong is lying, (2) USADA is dreaming, or (3) unknown intervening variables that were not accounted for explained the causation.

Nevertheless, the statement by Lance Armstrong that he did not dope in 2009 or 2010 is disappointing because the greatest service that Lance Armstrong could do for cycling would be to expose doping during the 2009 Tour de France when he and Alberto Contador rode for Astana.  After all, accused doping doctor Pepe Marti who has been charged by USADA for numerous doping violations was present on the 2010 Astana team. Alberto Contador tested positive for clenbuterol, during the 2009 Tour de France,  a race  Alberto Contador won, and a race where Lance Armstrong finished on the podium in third place!  Red flags appear everywhere, and there is Lance Armstrong denying everything!  Of course, the situation does not appear to be hopeless: Pepe Marti has asked for an arbitration hearing and there is still hope for a possible resolution of these issues: (1) USADA and Pepe Marti could bargain, a reduced ban in exchange for evidence proving Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador doped during the 2009 Tour de France or (2) Johan Bruyneel could be offered a reduced sentence for providing incriminating evidence to USADA, or (3) USADA could offer an unconditional amnesty to any Astana ex-teammate who would come forward.  Lance Armstrong, Pepe Marti, Johan Bruyneel, and Alberto Contador should all come forward in contrite submission, armed with confessions, in order to establish a new standard to end the culture of omerta, once and for all.

There is almost a hundred percent certainty that if Lance Armstrong was taking performance-enhancing drugs in 2009 that Alberto Contador also used performance-enhancing drugs in 2009.  , Because, as Greg LeMond found out in 1991, a clean rider can't beat a doped one, even if it is physiologically impossible for a rider to win three consecutive Tours de France without dope.  How Miguel Indurain won five Tours de France in a row without dope is the eighth wonder of the world.  But, this is not a story of Greg LeMond and Miguel Indurain,  is this the story of Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador.  We can only hope that if doping existed during the 2009 Tour de France that Lance Armstrong has enough arrogance left to sink Alberto Contador like the R.M.S. Titanic.

Lance Armstrong: USADA's Next Rat Fink?

Wow, wow, wow!  Oprah Winfrey has scheduled an exclusive interview with Lance Armstrong.  Lance Armstrong is going to confess to using, distributing, and compelling his ex-teammates to use performance-enhancing drugs, and (we hope) spill the beans on the uber corrupt UCI, Pat McQuaid and Hein Verbruggen!  You know down deep in your heart that the doper denier brigade is trembling in anticipation of the newest revelations to emanate from the mouth of der Fuhrer; the supreme bully is about to break the code of omerta, squealing like a Travis Tygart behind licking lackey and ruin everything.  Yes, indeed.  USADA is licking their chops in anticipation because good old boy Lance Armstrong is going to spare them a lot of expense and a whole boatload of money and trouble by explaining all; the actors, the dope networks, the dope distributors, the money trail.  Johan Bruyneel is doomed and will, like all the rest, have to admit that he lied and he will be forced to drop his impending arbitration; unless he calls Lance Armstrong a lying dupe and bum.  In this dope crazed steroid-induced era where memory acquisition and retention have obviously been modified through long term chronic drug abuse, recollection and retention of facts have clearly been impaired to the point that the story of what happened fourteen or four years ago clearly will be subjected to certain fictional embellishments and modifications.  These hazy recollections, embellishments, and modifications have clearly been expressed and identified in certain contradictory statements made by witnesses Floyd Landis and Tyler Hamilton.

But that's all over and no longer important, because once Lance Armstrong admits to using the United States Postal Service dollars for dope trafficking, a criminal offense, federal police agents may arrest Lance Armstrong live on Oprah.  During the arrest the audience on the set and at home will cheer another antisocial personality dope fiend being removed; hopefully forever: from our streets, from our towns, from our lives!  This is a good thing because it is too dangerous to let a man who is prone to subject others to blind obedience and submission, a man who dares to force people to engage in activity that clearly violates the law and social mores; a man who forces people to cheat the sport through intimidation; a man who forces his hapless teammates to use performance-enhancing drugs against their wills: a man who dares to form a cult of his own personality; to remain in freedom.  Lance Armstrong needs to be locked up in prison-like Charles Manson before the infection spreads, not spared or pitied.  Nobody should be duped, or be convinced, or have any empathy for Lance Armstrong's newly found honesty.

Yes, it is not enough to decimate Lance Armstrong financially, or to hoist him on his own petard, or to burn him in effigy, or to subject him to ridicule.  No, the best thing that could happen to Lance Armstrong would be arrest, prosecution, and conviction, followed by long imprisonment.

Then we could forget Lance Armstrong forever.

Lance Armstrong: Fess Up!

Bizarre, Lance Armstrong has decided to strike a deal with Travis Tygart (USADA) and David Howman (WADA) and confess to doping in order to continue to compete in triathlons? At forty one years old? How odd is that?

That does not compute and his intentions have been shrugged off by his lawyer.  What is the point of striking a post facto deal with men who have already banned Lance Armstrong from competing in athletic events for life, without even affording the poor man a hearing?  Is it possible to reason that behind closed doors Lance Armstrong, Travis Tygart, and David Howman has struck some sort of deal to lessen the punishment in return for favorable testimony against the third rail of corruption, Pat McQuaid and the UCI?  Because there is no other possible incentive to confess, Lance Armstrong has been devastated financially, his endorsement contracts have evaporated, his character has been libeled, he has been booted from his foundation, he faces an incredible number of legal challenges, including a lawsuit from Rupert Murdoch and BSkyB! BSkyB! the very people who sponsored Bradley Wiggins and Chris Froome, one, two, on the podium of the 2012 Tour de France; a team that is currently under suspicion of using performance-enhancing drugs to produce this improbable result.  But there is a silver lining, the whole issue could be resolved if Bradley Wiggins would post his UCI Biological Passport data on the Internet for perusal, but his doctors warned him not to...too many variables don't you can't explain away, and people with a little sophisticated statistical manipulation can make a case of probability out of thin air these days...but there is nothing like setting an example of clarity and transparency for other people to emulate...ask Jonathan Vaughters.

Every sport has dopers and worthless characterless scoundrels, but nobody goes after the jugular like they do cyclists.  Barry Bonds who was associated with BALCO; a man who was convicted of doping in open court with protections afforded by the constitution of the United States of America; has been dragged through the proverbial mud and ridiculed non stop: but at least he has a few dollars left and his home run record.  Not the case for Lance Armstrong, a man who has been deemed a cheater by all and sundry based upon a prosecution summary of evidence that has never been contested in open arbitration, but who is nevertheless a consensus convicted doper: stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and his opportunities to compete in further athletic endeavors for life.  And the loathsome parasites, Trek Bicycles, Oakley Sunglasses, Nike Shoes, who benefited from Lance Armstrong's shameless exploitation of a group of scientifically challenged fools (WADA) who could not produce a single viable anti-doping test that could not be easily be defeated by Dr. Michele Ferrari: if, in fact, Dr. Ferrari is guilty of facilitating doping on the United States Postal Cycling team. There is still a question as to the demonstrable proof of Dr. Ferrari facilitating doping on the U.S. Postal team because USADA has yet to provide a written summary of fact in the Michele Farrari case even though a written report is mandated in absence of an arbitration hearing, (separate from the Reasoned Decision, which dealt solely with Lance Armstrong) by the World Anti-Doping Code...but since when has USADA obeyed a legal order? But even corporate parasites have enough sense to abandon endorsements of Lance Armstrong at the slightest hint of trouble, fleeing the ship like rats when the corporate image is threatened with banishment; what was Trek Bicycles before endorsing U.S. Postal Service?  A second rate floundering company that was thinking of quitting.  Post Postal?  The largest, most successful bicycle company in the world, where the corporate executives are stowed away in a bunker busily counting their money and wondering how to be rid of Greg LeMond permanently.  Disgusting rubbish!

Lance Armstrong if you are willing to spill the beans on Johan Bruyneel and Pat McQuaid in the name of good deeds, go for it.  If you are just going to confess for selfish reasons like your worthless ex-teammates, forget it.

End of the Cycling Steroid Era?

2012 was a very bad year for cycling fans everywhere.  Lance Armstrong was accused of running the most extensive doping network ever conceived in the annuals of sport history and was banned from the sport for life.  His seven Tour de France titles were rescinded without the necessity of due process based upon the testimony of ex-teammates who met the legal requirements of the macnaughton rule.  USADA chief Travis Tygart would have meted out the standard two-year suspensions to the serial and habitual doping ex-teammates of Lance Armstrong except for the fact that they were not only intimidated and forced to take drugs, but due to the fact that they were robotic automatons who did not have the mental capacity to distinguish the difference between right and wrong.  It is pointless at this juncture to point out to Travis Tygart that the doping behavior exhibited by Lance Armstrong's ex-teammates could also fit a person suffering from antisocial personality disorder.  That "scumbags" were more interested in using dope to further their own interests with motivations of greed, fame, and accolades from adoring fans.  In addition, the ex-teammates although intimidated, threatened, and coerced by bully Lance Armstrong with the sanction of his sport director Johan Bruyneel, nevertheless, used these very personifications of evil to catapult themselves into more lucrative positions with increases of salaries and opportunities to compete in Grand Tours and Classic races.  It has been reported that Floyd Landis wishes to sue Lance Armstrong in a whistleblower lawsuit?  Or that Tyler Hamilton is afraid that Lance Armstrong will retaliate against him?  Paranoid delusions.  Floyd Landis used his association with Lance Armstrong and dope as a springboard to win and lose a Tour de France title.  Floyd Landis has only himself to blame for his own mismanagement of his affective meltdown after his colossal bonk when in a fit of self-pity he resorted to swigging shots of Jack Daniels bourbon whiskey and forgetting to take off his testosterone patch.  As for Tyler Hamilton, the guy may be a convicted antisocial personality doper with tinges of chronic paranoia, but he does have a knack for manipulation of fools like Travis Tygart, and any media dolt within range.

The VV 2013 Wish List:

-A dope free peloton.
-A rewritten World Anti-Doping Code that ensures fairness for the athlete.
-A judge to dismiss the Floyd Landis whistleblower lawsuit.
-Greg LeMond to remove his name for consideration as a candidate for the presidency of the UCI.  A fabricator of history cannot be allowed to replace a scoundrel.
-Someone to insert a gag into Tyler Hamilton's mouth.  The man who invented the vanishing twin cannot be believed.  So sorry.
-A rewritten World Anti-Doping Code that ensures due process for the athlete.
-The return of the statute of limitations that cannot be subjected to prosecutorial manipulation.
-A cycling union that protects the interests of the riders.  A cycling union that can initiate strikes and negotiate binding contracts.
-All of the existing loopholes to be extracted from the World Anti-Doping code that allows the prosecution to convict an athlete of using performance-enhancing drugs sans a mandatory independent official arbitration hearing.
-A divorce between WADA and the UCI.  WADA can't detect performance-enhancing drugs with their existing tests and they should be prohibited from extracting fees from signatories that are enforced by blackmail, threats, and coercion.  If the IOC threatens to exclude cycling from the Olympics as punishment for the UCI dumping WADA, then the IOC should be forced to reap the whirlwind.  Cycling should boycott all future Olympic games until the IOC makes appropriate concessions to the UCI.
-Give Jonan Bruyneel a chance to defend himself in arbitration before convicting him of an offense.

The list could be expanded indefinitely, but no extraterrestrial rational entity can be found to enforce compliance with common sense and decency.  So there is a high probability that nothing on the 2013 wish list will be fully filled and the requests will be repeated endlessly to no avail.

Jonathan Vaughters: Modern Day Tartuffe

Jonathan Vaughters disgusts me truly.  Bitten by some bug and swelling up like a melon that freak refused to accept a cortisone shot to reduce the swelling and continue to race; touted as a shining example of a principled man who refused to compromise his integrity in the prevalent steroid cure all culture of Grand Tour racing.  But sadly when the affidavit is examined, Jonathan Vaughters pretense and the subsequent media hoopla turned out to be nothing more than a thin facade designed to mask the fact that the man was flying high on a whole pharmacy of prohibited substances.  Thus Jonathan Vaughters joins the expanding club of past professional cyclists who used disinformation to manipulate the media and cycling fanatics into thinking that he or she is the personification of a person prone to resist temptation in the name of moral purity, a mirage that vanishes upon further examination of the factual evidence that these clowns try so hard to suppress and deny. 

Then there were the days when Garmin Slipstream were anti-doping pioneers, employing Rasmus Damsgaard to test team riders and setting a precedent as a no tolerance anti-doping team.  Garmin tried to set a principled example of creative initiatives to be emulated by other cycling teams; to create a permanent log of biological parameters that could be suggestive of a high probability of doping, which could result in warnings, fines, suspensions or termination from the team.  Of course, in highly egregious cases the evidence could be forwarded to the relevant national cycling governing agencies for further action.

These pioneering efforts prompted other teams to initiate no tolerance anti-doping programs and indirectly prompted the UCI to formulate the UCI Biological Passport; physiological data collected from riders in random in-competition and out-of-competition tests that would establish baseline parameters that could be used as a control sample and compared to test scores of a population of people who were established abusers of dope; or against ranges of physiological values that would be deemed normal of the entire population of elite cyclists: if performance enhancing drug use was suspected. Of course, even though this system is touted as having high validity and reliability, in reality there have not been enough comprehensive scientific studies done to effectively calculate the effect of random events such as heat, dehydration, exhaustion, stress, uncommon variations in diet; disruptions of circadian sleep/wakefulness cycles, or other predictable variables that may effect individual rider physiology and performance; variables that directly result from a hectic schedule of racing, travel, road accidents, medical interventions or other causal factors.  Then there are issues of micro-dosing of performance enhancing drugs to establish false baseline values; values that could be detected and circumvented if only the UCI and WADA would invest enough money in scientific research to resolve these issues.

After all a three week Grand Tour is not a laboratory.  In a laboratory the idea is to control all of the variables you are interested in studying by manipulating the environment and then seeking a causal relationship; for example, heat could be examined as a variable and different temperatures could each be regarded as variables that may effect physiological values. If heat value x only accounts for twenty or thirty percent of the variance of a fluctuation in a specified biological parameter, then the experiment must be continued at all temperatures until one hundred percent of the causal relationship between temperature, and these specific physiological fluctuations are accounted for.  Of course, these experiments could be expanded indefinitely.

But the alphabet soup cycling management signatories can shout, bah humbug!  Who wants to expend that kind of cash in establishing the truth when the Court of Arbitration of Sport does nothing but rubber stamp all of our results and verify all of our accusations?  Of course, this scenario only applies if the athlete has enough gumption to challenge our accusations in arbitration: otherwise we have enough loopholes written into the anti-doping process to do an end run around the judicial process.  Obviously, the prosecution should never be allowed to write a decision without a mandated automatic review by an independent commission that has no stake in the outcome of the review process.  But alas, protections that were formerly adhered to in the World Anti-Doping Code, such as the statute of limitations have now been rewritten, excluded, and discarded by the USADA  Reasoned Decision; protections that were written expressly to prevent prosecutorial abuse of power.

But so what?  Jonathan Vaughters has no business having any contact with cycling and he should be run off with a stick!  Johathan Vaughters, the pretentious, pardoned, and amnestied cosmic anti-doping pioneer is, like Pat McQuaid, an intolerable embarrassment to cycling and the sort of person that you don't want your children exposed to: much less emulate!  Nevertheless, some people need more evidence to be convinced as to the truth of their folly, as Elmire sarcastically opined to Orgon in Tartuffe, because they are so blinded by their delusions that they can not understand that it is impossible to fool everyone and that some of us are wise to their perfidy!  This blatant disrespect of cycling can not be tolerated and must end, the deterrence value of punishment of dopers and their adherents is being undermined by fools who subject the anti-doping process to a blatant ridicule that is an exact duplicate of the methods used by Tartuffe.  And Jonathan Vaughters has no need to be critical of Quick Step for terminating Levi Leipheimer, because Quick Step did the right thing, and as a fellow admitted doper cycling should do the right thing and rid us of you.

Winter Riding Blues

I got the winter riding blues.  The weather has turned nasty again, and in Salt Lake City with the lake effect, huge half dollar size snowflakes pelt against your glasses rendering your vision inoperable with an opaque fog.  You lower your glasses so you can see out of a tiny little vent between eyeglasses and helmet visor thus subjecting your eyeballs to a vicious pelting; you pray you can reach the stoplight before your eyeballs go opaque, so you can reach into your pocket for a napkin to clear off your glasses before venturing onward.  Riding down the bench, a feature caused by the Wasatch Fault; a fault that separates the Colorado Plateau from the Great Basin; a precipitous descent that is harrowing on a clear spring day let alone with the greatest snow on earth driving straight into your face horizontally.  If it has snowed all night long, which is of frequent occurrence in the Wasatch, the morning rides become fraught with danger with a heavy covering of slush or worse clear ice on the pavement.  Then you encounter idiots; pedestrians and automobiles entering the roadway in your path completely oblivious of the fact that wet wheels and breaks require a longer stopping distance; or worse: your wheel locks up just a wee bit on the clear ice and bang down you go.  I swear when the weather gets bad the suppressed automobile driver idiot gene expresses itself in spades. It is not enough to be chilled to the bone with frozen fingers and feet, you also must be petrified with fear hoping the nut who is ahead has enough common sense to get out of the way.  Get out of the way!  Vocal demonstrations of despair are common among cyclists when contemplating certain extermination of the self. Maybe they should hospitalize deranged delusional fools who have enough stupidity to try to steer, under the most abysmal road conditions, a two wheel self propelled mountain bike that weighs twenty eight pounds out of the path of a demented person who possesses a fifty intelligent quotient, who is driving a automobile that weighs four thousand pounds and has the energy equivalent of four hundred horses.  Yes, the pavement is a very hard object that has a tendency to road rash the skin and break the bones, you need to develop the skills of a professional tumbler to avoid lethal consequences when encountering a automobile collision. I found out the hard way one fine day when a distracted driver turned left right smack dab into my front wheel and I was propelled like a rocket from my saddle in a parabolic arc straight into the street. Fortunately, a nifty acrobatic roll saved me from any serious injury, while a passing shuttle bus full of horrified passengers looked on.

Riding a bike in winter is hard work, you can wear a neon green, florescent yellow, or retina scorching red skin suit that is supposed to wick away moisture and heat from your body, but they still can't see you.  At night you can have the best headlight and flashing taillight in the world, wear a vest with reflective tape, plaster your pedals and wheels with reflective tape, reflectors, and lights; and still they can't see you.  With too much frequency lately you hear reports on the radio news of another winter bike rider being crushed by some hit and run driver; they murder you and then flee like rats from a aflame sewer.  Two days ago a twenty five year old cyclist, in the prime of life, probably riding his bike to work, was extinguished like a candle by some moron probably texting or yucking on the phone, or who was in a hurry and could not be bothered.  Salt Lake City has a ghost bike, a old cruiser painted white and chained to a power pole, a monument to a young woman who was killed by a hit and run driver who was never tracked down and who did not have enough courage or honesty to come forward and admit their responsibility.

Winter riding trashes all of my components, and I hate the filthy ice and oil spatters that ruin my clothes. Shut up sniveler!  You want to be a couch potato, go buy a car!