Bicycle Riders Are Idiots Too

Forget the ineradicable corruption of the UCI that will forevermore spread through the hallowed ground of cycling like a metastasized cancer only because the briber in chief refuses to come forward and blow the whistle on the corrupt who refuse to relinquish power.  There are more important topics, mainly road survival of cyclists who may potentially become an endangered species; not only because of reckless people who drive automobiles and multitask; slaves to gadgetry, oblivious of their surroundings; but because some people who ride bicycles pose potential death threats to themselves, due to ignorance and stupidity.

The other day a person driving a Ford F-250 pickup truck hauling lawn equipment ran a four way stop sign and hit my back bicycle tire, not the wheel, but the tire. A most amazing experience: knowing that you are about to collide with an idiot and die, only to survive by a miracle and live to tell about it.  Of course, this incident was trivial; cyclists experience similar incidents with distracted multitasking morons every day and live to discuss these incidents with a cavalier smirk.  A cat has nine lives but a cyclist has ninety nine lives, daredevils who scoff at the grim reaper with impunity.  But as everyone knows death always draws the white pawn.  Sooner or later death will win no matter how brilliant your defensive strategy or how brilliant your planning; and following the rules of the road like a saint won't save your life from a distracted fool.  However, you may prolong you life until that last incident.

Death does not necessarily excuse bad bicycle behavior though.  The object is to live as long as possible, not hasten death by means of stupidity or recklessness.  Most avid cyclists have experienced enough close calls to understand that it is better to follow the rules of the road and act like a responsible adult rather than a child, even though the road is full of irresponsible adults who act like children.  Cyclists are professional riders who have identifying badges of courage in the form of healed bones and road rash scars from encounters with automobiles and bicycle riders who have a callous disregard or basic ignorance of basic road safety.  There is a bicycle automobile collision every eleven minutes in the United States and automobile drivers are at fault seventy percent of the time.  That means that bicycle riders are at fault thirty percent of the time.

Examples of bad cycling practice:

How many times have you had to ride around a moron who is riding against traffic?   Riding against traffic is the number one killer of bicycle riders, people don't expect traffic coming from the wrong direction.

Then there is the curb hugger.  Curb huggers have a bad habit of drifting out the bike lane into the curb at red lights even though there may be a hundred cars backed up waiting to turn right.  You are still in the bicycle lane waiting patiently for the light to turn green and you have allowed enough distance for automobiles to turn right unobstructed.  Usually curb huggers are weekend warriors, or worse, simpleton hillbillies who wear old shabby clothes and ride old mountain bikes or cruisers with parts dangling off the frame.  But nothing makes me more angry than to have a curb hugger with a garbage bike pass me on the right while I am stopped at a red light.  Professional cycling teams and European riders wait behind you in single file and then pass you when the light turns green, perfectly acceptable; a man does not remain Mario Cipollini forever.  But come on man, you get in my way then ride at five miles an hour, and the way the street lights are timed in this city, I pass you, then I have to wait at the light, and here you come along dragging ass; then you go around me again and park your worthless ass up against the curb.  You irritate me and you irritate the frustrated drivers who stack up behind your worthless ass.  But never try to comment on the stupidity of these fools, they actually act offended and act like they are bicycle sages while in comparison you are some sort of dolt.

Then there is the gung-ho faux pro rider who has to pass you on the road.  Nothing makes me laugh more than watching a young man sprint for all he is worth to pass up an old master like me. Listen clown, you don't have to endanger my life with a display of your cycling prowess, you will never impress me!

Then there is the red light runner.  Most street lights don't recognize bicycles; bicycles don't trigger the mechanism.  I have watched lights at clear intersections cycle through the walk cycle and reset a dozen times; but if a automobile never arrives then the cycle would repeat indefinitely.   You have two options, pitch a tent and wait forever, or run the light.   Methuselah would run the light or perish from old age.  But this is different from the idiot who weaves in and out of traffic to avoid stopping for a light.  What is most stupid about this trick is the fact that you always catch these morons at the next light even after obeying the traffic light and waiting.  Stupid.  But never comment on these people either.

Then there is the round and round.  Around and around in circles in front of the patiently waiting traffic and cyclists who are stewing in increasing frustration watching this fool show off like some sort of exhibitionist lunatic.  

Conclusion:

I could list another thousand violations committed by bicyclists that deserves a good beating across the kidneys with a bicycle pump, but what is the point.  Stupid fools exist everywhere, that is a human trait that will never be eradicated from this planet.  But there is no excuse for cyclists who refuse to comply with or understand good bicycle practice; cyclists who endanger more lives than there own, or for cyclists who set bad precedents, or who aggravate automobile cyclist relations.  Truth, all cyclists are regarded as idiots by automobile drivers by default because of the bad behavior of a few stupids and crazies, but then again, true cyclists regard all automobile drivers as idiots because of the bad behavior of a few stupids and crazies.   

Listen:

If I do not post for a while check the obituaries.  I am seriously thinking of composing a farewell message to be posted after my death, "died from injuries sustained from a collision with a distracted driver while riding his bicycle."

Have a nice ride today!