Lance Armstrong to USADA: No Dice

When one lives in a privy, one becomes accustomed to the smell of shit!
Alexander Puskin

The long expected self immolation of Lance Armstrong did not materialize after all.  The New York Times reporter Juliet Macur has reported that Lance Armstrong did not meet the deadline to report to USADA in order to clarify his career doping history under oath.  Tim Herman, one of Lance Armstrong lawyers, did state that Lance Armstrong might be willing to testify to an international tribunal since ninety five percent of the doping problems and legal jurisdiction lie outside of the domain of USADA.

“We remain hopeful that an international effort will be mounted, and we will do everything we can to facilitate that result,” Herman said in the statement. “In the meantime, for several reasons, Lance will not participate in Usada’s efforts to selectively conduct American prosecutions that only demonize selected individuals while failing to address the 95 percent of the sport over which Usada has no jurisdiction.”

An International Tribunal?

The Europeans are not concerned with resurrection of old skeletons, and inquisitions are old hat.  If Lance Armstrong had something important to speak of that falls under the existing statutes of limitations, [do statutes of limitations still exist outside of the jurisdiction of USADA?] say knowledge of doping on the 2009 Astana team, then this information might be valuable enough for Armstrong to leverage an immunity deal and an amnesty.  Otherwise, Armstrong has nothing of value except for obsolete information on how to defeat doping tests, information that could be better gleaned from Michele Farrari.  However, there is still the prospect of Lance Armstrong exposing the UCI as a corrupt organization that can be purchased with bribery to cover-up positive drug tests.  And there is also the possibility that WADA could also be exposed as a corrupt organization susceptible to conspiracy.  Lance Armstrong might have other valuable information available for the tribunal, but old hat statements about antiquated doping do not fit the bill.

USADA: Sweeten the Pot

Apparently, although USADA baited the rat trap with a temping morsel, the rat got cold feet at the last moment and rejected the morsel as not temping enough. A reduction of a lifetime ban from athletic sport to eight years is no incentive, since both punishments equate to a lifetime ban for Lance Armstrong.  Armstrong is forty two years old, he would be fifty when allowed to compete again in a triathlon.  Who would worry about competing against a geriatric stale joke?  But, perhaps Lance Armstrong's refusal to testify under oath is intended to leverage a sweeter deal, since USADA has a history of offering sweetheart deals of reduced suspensions to informants.  Indeed, it seems incredible to note that after encouraging serial dopers with long histories of drug abuse to finger Lance Armstrong with bribes of amnesty and immunity, that USADA would seem so intransigent with respect to Lance Armstrong fingering dopers, doctors, and their confederates.  However, it is impossible to deny that USADA is salivating at the prospect of baiting the most notorious doper in the history of cycling into hanging himself.

Warm Up the Privy!

Lance old friend.  You will be lucky if you have one red cent left after these people get through with you.  You would have been better served if you would have followed counsel's advice and kept your mouth shut.  Your stupid Oprah admission to use of performance enhancing drugs, although laudable, will end up with you losing the manor house, the outbuildings, and your new residence of abode will be the privy!  But don't worry, your offended nostrils will become acclimated to the stench over time.  Like Alexander Puskin, you won't be able to runaway from Tsar Nicholas I and the censorship. USADA will dog your steps every inch of the way and in the end you will become dependent upon people whom you thoroughly loath.  The most galling prospect of all will be paying Floyd Landis money, your willing dolt.  Forget an amnesty, you are dealing with self serving people who will never accede to your demands.  Resign, your career is over.