Anti-Doping: Bread and Circuses

The enraged crowd is ready to riot over the disappointment of being deprived of the Lance Armstrong circus. Travis Tygart in the role of lion tamer had ten buffoons lined up to testify to the rampant abuse and distribution of performance enhancing drugs on the U.S. Postal Professional Cycling Team, Discovery Channel Team, Astana, and Team Radio Shack. There were to be jugglers, clowns, sword swallower's, trapeze, high wire acts, an entire three ring agenda performed at the direction of master of ceremonies Travis Tygart himself, accompanied by a fat lady serenade on accordion. But, boo ho, the Lion refused to perform and what circus act could continue without the main entertainment?

Yes, the press was all geared up to stir up the stink with endless critiques and then deflated like a balloon when the opportunity for stench was not forthcoming. Who did not want to revel in the crimes of the cycling steroid era when a fountain of blood was to be splattered all along the pavement?

 But fear not. There is still Johan Bruyneel, the man who volunteered to substitute for the lion in the place of Lance Armstrong. Mr. Bruyneel seems to be a masochist of the first order, never being satisfied with being jolted in the backside with a cattle prod by envious adversaries, he insists on taking on USADA in [we hope] a public arbitration hearing where the aforementioned buffoons will be on display. This among other things explains why USADA has refused to comply with World Anti-Doping Code, Section 8.4 and a UCI request to provide a complete dossier of the "overwhelming evidence" that USADA claims to have accumulated that proves conclusively that a doping conspiracy existed on the U.S. Postal Service Professional Cycling Team.  This dossier would also detail all evidence that justifies the lifetime ban of Lance Armstrong and the revocation of his seven Tour de France titles, Olympic Bronze Medal, prize monies, ad nauseum.

This prospect of an open arbitration hearing must be disconcerting to Travis Tygart.  So far USADA has behaved like an d-amphetamine induced paranoid schizophrenic; there are threats everywhere; treats to witnesses who would be so daring as to testify against Lance Armstrong, threats from people who did not write letters of approbation to USADA; Travis Tygart commented that there were some disturbing letters written to USADA after he banned Lance Armstrong from cycling for life, probably from people who had the audacity to disagree with the tactics USADA used in this case: they are to be considered threats too.

This USADA paranoid schizophrenia may have required professional psychiatric treatment, but behold, Pat McQuaid and the UCI may have saved the day by offering all of the USADA witnesses an unconditional amnesty. Also included in the proposed amnesty; all cyclists who rode during the steroid era and who cheated by using performance enhancing substances.  Anyway Pat McQuaid wanted to make an amnesty proposal to the UCI executive board. This is an abysmal idea, unconscionable. Dopers are to be punished not exonerated for cheating the sport of cycling.  The former riders who were to testify against Lance Armstrong should be banished for life, especially Frankie Andreu; who should be forbidden television color commentating during the Tour de France forever.  This infuriating hypocritical reasoning of the UCI; eternal banishment for some and total amnesty without sanction for others is idiotic and serves to undermine the basic goal of the anti-doping crusade: ride clean.  If you kill off one head of the hydra others will spout out like a metastasized cancer. There is also a question of impropriety in an unconditional amnesty; will this insane idea set a bad precedent and create further expectations for future amnesties for certain groups of riders who desire to cheat en mass?

The UCI is forced to face the grim prospect of never being able to "reassign Lance Armstrong's titles" since Pat McQuaid has stated that the UCI has no desire to contest the USADA banishment of Lance Armstrong; and since it has been determined that every Tour de France podium finisher for seven straight years (1999-2005) had either tested positive for performance enhancing drugs or have been linked to a doping scandal.  Thus, the quandary: how do you make a fair reassignment of Lance Armstrong's titles?  Pick a rider least likely to have committed a doping offense?  How about the lanterne rouge?

Forget the amnesty unless you forgive Lance Armstrong first.  Lance Armstrong is the only man who never failed a drug test, and the only man during the steroid era who was never conclusively linked to a doping scandal.  Let's not be reduced to the state where we have to lampoon the worthlessness of the WADA labs, and the uselessness of WADA test results, in favor of unprovable assertions made in a anti-doping circus.