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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Doping in the Rear View Mirror?

The infamous cycling dopers who depended upon the syringe to out compete the other cycing dopers is now passe.  When the hysteria surrounding Lance Armstrong and his arch nemesis Travis Tygart was at the pinnacle of interest, people actually cared, but when Lance Armstrong decided not to cooperate with USADA, people became comatose.  Comatose people quickly forget, time goes by, and criminal intent flourishes into the next crises and people express shock and surprise.  Nothing is more certain when vigilance is asleep at the wheel than criminal opportunism.

Six years of this worthless nonsense, three Tour de France champions deposed, and if the anti-doping charlatans wanted to peruse the issue, perhaps a certain Tour de France one time loser would turn into a two time loser and be banned from the sport for life.  But why expend all of the money on another witch hunt when the money could be expended more constructively chucking out the bums at the UCI?  Why bother to raid the closet of skeletons when everyone would prefer to let sleeping dogs lie?  To remove all blinders would cost an inordinate amount of money and lead to points beyond an infinity of expenditures; maybe two parallel lines do meet somewhere, but who wants to spend the research money to find out?  Better to leave the issue hypothetical since it does not mean certain destruction of our dear sport.

Dope in cycling should have ended forever after the 2006 Tour de France; but it is hard to extinguish the old cognitive paradigm developed during the eighties that it is okay to cheat as long the testing facilities can't keep up and you are never caught.  So they continued to cheat and most were never caught because the methods of cheating surpassed the methods of detection, and the WADA laboratories for all their bluster were forced to endure humiliation with egg smeared all over their faces.  The dopers had the good doctors and WADA had the consultant anti-doping "pioneer" braggarts who starved for lack of funding; no argument there.

Revolting the methods of these cheaters duping the laboratories and the public for all of those years, dirty rotten imbeciles!  But hey, topics in the anti-doping world have shifted from cycling into other sports, like American football, where an avalanche of problems awaits if there is ever a comprehensive testing program instituted.

Even ice fishing demands USADA dope tests.  What: you gonna reel in a fish at a faster pace faster than you can reel in a breakaway?  Better fishermen than cyclists.  Enough is enough.  I've shed enough tears already you callous heartless narcissistic ragamuffins!  Every hero, every cyclist I loved became an infamous example of perfidy, a public laughingstock!  Enough! Henceforth nothing but examples of good conduct and clean riding.  Put USADA and their ilk out of the cycling business forever.  Make Travis Tygart obsolete.

Then I can retire my pen forever with eternal gratitude to the peloton.

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